“You’re just having a really kick-ass fall break.” – Former Naptown teammate

This past weekend, I posted a picture at my Brazilian jiu-jitsu school. Unfortunately, no job means sacrifices have to be made, at least temporarily. That includes having to take a break from my outlet and semi-safe space (I say semi-safe because this does involve choking and arm bars). I’ve struggled with this, as it’s been a great and challenging sport for me to take on after four seasons of competitive derby.

A dear friend from my roller derby team immediately texted to check on me. I explained to her my status and how “uncertain” things felt. She told me, “you’re just having a really kick-ass fall break.” She gave me a perspective I hadn’t quite grasped. I’d been so focused on not coming apart that it hadn’t occurred to me to perhaps give myself a measure of a break.

I don’t like being “on the beach.” I love working. I don’t go to work to screw around. I go to make things happen and be a productive member of a team. I am very hard on myself. I always have been.

But, I’m on a fall break for the moment. I guess I shouldn’t get too bent out of shape – Halloween is my favorite holiday and I get more excited about it than Christmas and my birthday combined. No, you will not see me waiting for the Great Pumpkin. Theoretically, Linus has been sitting in that damned pumpkin patch for 51 years.

For now, the best I can do is keep applying, keep my head up when it is forcibly trying to stay down, and enjoy my friends. Thus far, I’ve run 26 miles in the first week of unemployment, lost 2 pounds, and spent time with the important people in my life. I’ve seen a drag show, an 80s tribute band, and spent more time with my husband.

This is not to say I am not thoroughly ready to get back to work, but this is a nice-and hopefully short-break.