Last night, sweat rolled down my forehead onto my cheek.  I was shaking. It wasn’t from exertion–it was nerves.  We learned a bunch of take down methods in Brazilian jiujitsu.  One of which involves doing a dance move where you jump onto the person and lock guard around them with your legs.

From there, you can do a myriad of different things, including a headstand move.  It requires commitment and trust.  As I readied myself to wrap my legs around my partner, my coach told me to “have faith.”  It struck a nerve that went far beyond that room.

This past year, I haven’t had much faith in myself.  I am always my own worst enemy and critic and I am extremely hard on myself.  The goals I set for myself seem to crack and break.  In my 20s, it seemed so easy.  I’d work hard and move up to the next level professionally.  My resume was like a losing game of Tetris of my achievements–piling up as I went along.

Now, I’m not sure what it will take to get someone to notice and take a chance on me.  But, I believe now that it has to start with faith in myself.

Believing in myself is something I struggle with, especially as I get older.

Truthfully, I don’t have it bad.  I have a job, a home, a loving husband, dogs, Uglydolls, two parents, hobbies I can take part in, and enough money to pay my bills.  It could be far worse.

I am talented.  I wouldn’t have gotten this far in the professional world without some level of God/genetic-given ability.  It’s time I believe that.

Yes, I’ve been rejected more times than I count, but it’s still out there. Nothing lasts forever, especially when determination, drive, passion, and pure talent are in your corner.  Good friends help too.

Just have faith.